How to Screw-Up St. Patrick’s Day

by Laura on March 21, 2011

Enjoy this 10-Step Instructional Guide to Messing Up St. Patrick’s Day for Your Kids:

1.  Don’t plan anything the night before.  In fact, better-yet, forget about the holiday completely until the morning-of.

2.  Announce enthusiastically that the family will have something green for breakfast.

3.  Be too lazy to make pancakes.  Opt for toast and peanut butter or toast and cream cheese, instead.

4.  Put peanut butter and cream cheese into separate bowls while the bread toasts.  Get out food coloring to mix into the spreads.

5.  Find out you don’t have green food coloring {see step #1 on making this holiday special}.

6.  Because you are such a resourceful and intelligent mother, announce to the waiting-with-bated-breath children that you can still make green with the food coloring options you do have– red and blue. {Obviously, you haven’t had your first cup of coffee.  Or, obviously, your hair is blond.  Or you missed first-grade art class.  Or something.}

7.  Mix red and blue food coloring into spreads, confidently stirring.  And stirring.  And stirring.

8.  Turn peanut butter and cream cheese into an unappetizing shade of purple.

9.  Declare to expectant children, “What’s so special about green anyways?”

10.  Enjoy purple toast.  {And consider paying somebody else to teach your kids art in the near future.}

Did you celebrate St. Patty’s Day last week?  How?  Have any other random holiday traditions– or mishaps?


  • Tamara

    Priceless! Here’s the best thing about screwing up some random holiday or just about anything else w/ your kids: these screwups make for FANTASTIC stories for your kids to tell later! Really – my kids have a million of ’em!!!

    • Laura

      yes, yes . . . just collecting “stories.” so, now maybe i don’t feel so dumb. ha ha.

  • Adina

    Making me laugh and laugh! That is a STUNNING shade of purple, and I think you should just invent your own holiday, so you have an excuse to make it again!

  • HopefulLeigh

    Ha! That is so awesome. I’m sure there’s some way to connect purple to St. Patrick’s Day but I don’t have the brain cells to figure it out today:)

  • Kelly @ Love Well

    Not laughing … not laughing….

    • Laura

      um . . . somehow, i don’t really believe you . . .

  • Sharon O

    That is too funny. I am surprised they even ate it.

    • Laura

      Me, too! This was a photo of the cream cheese– the peanut butter turned out even nastier looking!!

  • Michelle

    So incredibly funny! Thanks for sharing! It’s a fun mom that thinks of making green cream cheese – so the fact that it turned out purple is just a side issue! :-) Your kids are blessed that they have such a fun, creative mom!!

    • Laura

      Oh, thanks, girl. I guess maybe I have my moments– but they have to put up with a lady that screws up break-and-bake cookies, too.

      Ah, we all have our faultings, I reckon.

  • Paige

    Oh man . . . you crack me up! The story reminds me of when I was in grade school and my dad fixed us kids some pancakes. But he realized that we were out of milk, so he used Kool Aid instead. They were red pancakes and tasted awful! But like Tamara said above . . . it makes for a great story to tell! You’re awesome!

    • Laura

      What a great memory!!!! I love that about your dad– such a funny story– Kool Aid pancakes. Maybe for Christmas? Valentines??!!!

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