She Threw a Rock

by Laura on July 20, 2010

I watched her tonight out at the orphanage. A five-year-old body and a twenty-something-soul, though the age on her legal papers claims ten.  She ran out, clutching a blue worn bear.  It was the quality of stuffed animals handed over at a fair after winning a 50- cent game of darts.  But, she doesn’t care, because it is hers.

And an older girl takes it away.

Because even the cheap and the worn are treasures on this patch of soil.

And I stumble through my newly-acquired Asian with someone else, but I watch from the corner of my eye–the two girls and the bear.  The owner whines and chases.  But the older is too fast, too quick, too powerful.  She acts play, but the younger wouldn’t agree.  I watch the little victim glance for help, call for someone older to Rescue.

But she’s on her own.

So she picks up a rock.  She yells.  She throws.  Hard.  And she misses.

And I intervene in broken tongue.  And the sought-after lovey is returned to younger hands with a gentle, “Not kind,” to the older.  And the next rock is tossed back to the dirt.  For now.

But I am left wondering if the mini-drama just witnessed is a true picture of the orphan-story.  She feels powerless and weak, unable to fight for herself.  And she looks around for someone bigger to Rescue.

But there is no one who comes.

And so she picks up a rock.  She learns to fight for herself.  She dries her tears, and she grows older,

too early.

And I wonder how a childhood full of these moments affects her heart. I wonder how it translates into the way she views God, and what it does to her character and her relationships in future years.

And there are no answers from this keyboard, at this late hour, on this part of the planet tonight.

But I will still go to sleep believing that somehow,  somehow,

God is big enough to meet the needs of  the smallest orphan.

Even when she’s throwing rocks.

Comment or Subscribe?

  • Jan

    Thanks Laura. Good story and so true. We will all try to throw a rock if we feel powerless. Jan

    • Laura

      Absolutely. Our human tendency is to fight and control and act. It is no wonder that kids that feel powerless may tend to be more aggressive or “tougher.” I wonder how this plays into how they view God?

  • Brittany 2e

    Oh, that just tugs at my heart. I read something like this and I just want to fix it. But it’s not my job to fix everything, only to let God show his love in those times when I deem life is too unfair.

    • Laura

      Yes. It’s so hard to reconcile the extreme suffering in the world with a God of love. So hard to understand how that all works, and even harder to trust that somehow He sees and is enough even in the worst circumstances.

  • Teri Miller

    Laura, thanks for this. Touches my soul in ways I don’t even fully understand. Just another tug toward the place God is leading us; where, when I do not know. But somehow, being a piece of that Rescue is part of it.
    I thank God for your willingness…and your continual words of honest truth & inspiration.

    • Laura

      Wow, thanks Teri. Thanks for being open to where God is leading–adoption? Being here, I ask myself nearly daily why we haven’t pursued that . . . yet. But, I know there is a goodness is waiting on God’s timing for all things. Keep us posted.

      Love, Laura

  • Elizabeth Stutzman

    Hi Laura,

    I came across your blog through a trail of websites. My husband and I live near Seattle, but we’ll be heading over to Chiang Mai (for a few months) the end of Sept/beginning of October. We’ll be working at The Garden of Hope. Maybe we’ll get a chance to come out to Brianna’s House. In the meantime, I’m enjoying your blog. : )



    • Laura

      How exciting that you will be over in this part of the world! I do not know about Garden of Hope, but keep in touch and feel free to contact us when you get here. Thanks for having a heart for the globe, Elizabeth. And thanks for stopping by here, too.

      With Hope,

  • Elizabeth Stutzman

    Thanks Laura. A friend of mine from high school youth group wanted to have my husband and me over before we head to Thailand. She mentioned having friends in Chiang Mai. Long story short, I guess my (our)friend–Lisa Schweizer–and you were in Saipan together!! Small world. : )

  • Kelly

    Would you allow me to repost this at It’s moving–so moving. I think it would really speak to the readers there. Let me know –

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