The Black Bikini. I was playing with my three children at the pool when I saw her—the lady in the black bikini. Immediately, I began my comparison checklist:
“Stomach? Hers was flatter.
Legs? Hers were thinner.
Arms? More toned.
Chest? Yup, bigger.”
A furtive sidelong glance revealed a gorgeous, petite face that looked about my age. She wore dangly earrings and had donned a black teeny-eeny bikini for the day–which, I had to quickly admit, I could not have pulled off (at least well). Immediately, I found myself just not liking her. Secretly I wanted her to reveal some flaw–in appearance or in character–so that I could feel better about myself. And watch out of the corner of my eye as I may, I found none. In fact, she spoke kindly to her kids, laughed with her husband in the kiddie pool, and when she said it was time for lunch, her children obeyed sweetly and hopped out of the pool without tantrum or complaint (again, much to my disappointment).
And then my jealously green eyes saw him–her young son who had been sitting in the shallow waters of the baby pool. When he struggled to get out of the water, I was surprised to see something horribly wrong with his legs. Both of his feet were pointed at a 90-degree angle inward. The best this small boy could muster was a painful-looking hobble as he walked towards the elevators after his beautifully thin mother.
Conviction swooped in on my negative heart with undeniable force. The only thing I had handed this stranger at the pool was a desire that she fail — at something, at anything. I had searched for the ugly in her without knowing her story; I had criticized her without recognizing that behind the perfect figure was a heart that wrestled with the realities of a crippled child.
A Critical Spirit. Jesus Himself says in the Bible, “Do not judge others, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1,2), and the Apostle Paul writes, “Discover beauty in everyone” (The Message, Romans 12:14). The Bikini-Lady reminded me of those verses that day at the pool, and she taught me that casting criticism on someone else is a false way to feel better about myself. She also reminded me that I should look for the story and the struggle of others– not their potential shortcomings. In essence, I’m learning that ditching the checklist and handing out grace instead is a far more beautiful way to live.
I know I will probably never see that skinny mom again, but she has left her mark on me without even knowing it. I honestly wish her the best in life. May she be able to eat all the chocolate she wants and still look killer in that little black bikini.
THREE MONTHS in THIRTY SECONDS
Breanna's House of Joy and Joy to the World Outreach.
Destined Traveler.
Tattered Couch.
From Then till Now
17. March 2010 at 2:48 pm
I love this post! Love you!
22. March 2010 at 2:50 pm
Ugh. I’ve been so guilty of that before – wishing that I could see some flaw in someone else so that I would feel better about myself.
All the while, God doesn’t do that to me. He doesn’t compare me to anyone else – He doesn’t hold me to a different standard in order to win His love and approval.
And yet, I do that.
That’s ugly for me.
I want to be beautiful.
Inside.
So that it shows outside.
Thanks so much for sharing. (I’m here via Sarah’s links on her blog today)
Enjoyed your post so much.
Mary
22. March 2010 at 3:31 pm
oh my goodness, i loved this.
i have so been there – staring at the pretty woman in the tiny bikini and wondering if her life was actually perfect. i love the lesson you found in it.
thank you so much for posting. =)
22. March 2010 at 6:18 pm
This was BEAUTIFUL! Whoa!
I found you from Sarah’s blog. SO glad I did…
LOVED this!
22. March 2010 at 7:48 pm
I have my fair share of stuggles with comparing & “check lists” too.
I have stood on this word (I actually have it written on my mirror in my bathroom)…
When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. (Corinthians 10:12)
22. March 2010 at 7:50 pm
I’ve done this same thing before: judged someone out of jealousy, only to realize that while she might be prettier (or skinnier or funnier or whatever) than I was, there was something about her for which I should be praying. It’s always such an eye-opener to learn that lesson, isn’t it?
Great post, btw!
23. March 2010 at 2:08 am
What an amazing and utterly convicting witness. Wow. That one got me in the heart because I know I’ve done the very same thing myself out of jealousy for someone else. I found this line particularly poignant: “She also reminded me that I should look for the story and the struggle of others– not their potential shortcomings.” Thank you for this reminder of how we are to love other people as Jesus loves them.
23. March 2010 at 4:03 am
What a great post! I TOTALLY do that too. What a great lesson. I will carry that with me, thanks!
23. March 2010 at 7:29 pm
I’m visiting from Sarah’s blog…if you’re intereseted, here’s my post: http://onegirl-itjusttakesone.blogspot.com/2010/03/what-is-beauty.html
Wow…I so do that, too. I’m quick to judge without ever knowing the story behind the person. Very convicting.
23. March 2010 at 10:59 pm
Oh I love this post! “I’m learning that ditching the checklist and handing out grace instead is a far more beautiful way to live.” That is perfect and SO true!
Here from Sarah’s beauty link list!
~Jennifer
24. March 2010 at 1:07 am
Ugh. This is so convicting to me. Because I do this All The Time. Thank you for such a vivid story – and the reminder not to judge others for being “too pretty”!
24. March 2010 at 4:36 pm
I really enjoyed your post.
Not only did this touch on beauty, judgment, it can apply like when you think you’ve got it bad. There is always someone going through something worse that will put your life in perspective.
24. March 2010 at 7:37 pm
YES! jealousy is such an easy thing to walk into. i hate that i so often view others with jealously and pride instead of grace and genuine love. reminds me how much I need Jesus to love like Jesus!
24. March 2010 at 7:38 pm
thanks for commenting. yes, I love your point about loving others the way God loves us–without comparison. a rich point.
24. March 2010 at 7:39 pm
and thanks so much, Sarah, for putting this together. i have loved the collaboration and meeting new people via the blogworld. thanks so much!
24. March 2010 at 7:40 pm
absolutely. someone else always has a harder story . . . if we will just take the time to get our eyes off of ourselves and pay attention. thanks for stopping by and for commenting.
5. April 2010 at 1:42 am
I play that comparison game. I’m pretty sure I usually fail when I play it. I, too, need to remember to make grace the only item on my checklist so I can easily remember to give it out. A person’s story and heart should make them beautiful- no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.
Let’s do a redefinition revolution!
4. June 2010 at 2:15 pm
Found you from the lovely Caroline Collie – soo glad that I did. What a wonderful piece this is! Funny how bathing suits can be a metaphor for so much more that’s going on with us beneath the surface! I’ve been writing about the same thing this week. And when I hit the pool this weekend, kids in tow, I’ll be wishing guilt free chocolate for all those skinny gals as well
~Lisa-Jo
5. June 2010 at 12:11 am
Yes! Here’s to playing with the kids in the pool with abandon and NOT worrying about the cellulite that may just be part of the equation.
Thanks for stopping by. Glad you did. Have fun this weekend–bathing suit and all!