Lessons From a Skinnier Woman

The Black Bikini. I was playing with my three children at the pool when I saw her—the lady in the black bikini. Immediately, I began my comparison checklist:
“Stomach? Hers was flatter.
Legs? Hers were thinner.
Arms? More toned.
Chest? Yup, bigger.”

A furtive sidelong glance revealed a gorgeous, petite face that looked about my age. She wore dangly earrings and had donned a black teeny-eeny bikini for the day–which, I had to quickly admit, I could not have pulled off (at least well). Immediately, I found myself just not liking her. Secretly I wanted her to reveal some flaw–in appearance or in character–so that I could feel better about myself. And watch out of the corner of my eye as I may, I found none. In fact, she spoke kindly to her kids, laughed with her husband in the kiddie pool, and when she said it was time for lunch, her children obeyed sweetly and hopped out of the pool without tantrum or complaint (again, much to my disappointment).

And then my jealously green eyes saw him–her young son who had been sitting in the shallow waters of the baby pool. When he struggled to get out of the water, I was surprised to see something horribly wrong with his legs. Both of his feet were pointed at a 90-degree angle inward. The best this small boy could muster was a painful-looking hobble as he walked towards the elevators after his beautifully thin mother.

Conviction swooped in on my negative heart with undeniable force. The only thing I had handed this stranger at the pool was a desire that she fail — at something, at anything. I had searched for the ugly in her without knowing her story; I had criticized her without recognizing that behind the perfect figure was a heart that wrestled with the realities of a crippled child.

A Critical Spirit. Jesus Himself says in the Bible, “Do not judge others, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1,2), and the Apostle Paul writes, “Discover beauty in everyone” (The Message, Romans 12:14). The Bikini-Lady reminded me of those verses that day at the pool, and she taught me that casting criticism on someone else is a false way to feel better about myself. She also reminded me that I should look for the story and the struggle of others– not their potential shortcomings. In essence, I’m learning that ditching the checklist and handing out grace instead is a far more beautiful way to live.

I know I will probably never see that skinny mom again, but she has left her mark on me without even knowing it. I honestly wish her the best in life. May she be able to eat all the chocolate she wants and still look killer in that little black bikini.

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