In honor of Valentine’s Day, I am reposting this lesson learned in February last year. Here’s to hoping I am learning to love a little better now than I was then . . .
The Lesson for My Kids. As often happens in “teaching” my kids, I seem to learn more than I impart. This week we are looking at what love is and are studying the “Love Chapter” in the Bible, found in the book of 1 Corinthians. Each morning we have been talking about one or two love characteristics–patience, forgiveness, kindness, etc. We talked about funny examples of the quality for the day, drew pictures of it and sometimes acted out scenarios showing or not showing that characteristic of love. Then throughout the day, if we “caught” each other showing love, we would draw pictures of that on our chart. It’s been a super simple way to teach God’s word while also trying to reinforce character. Even for the person who doesn’t agree with the validity of the Bible, the positive qualities listed here are indisputably valuable for our kids . . . and for us. Case in point. . .
The Lesson for Me. All three of my children are in more difficult stages of late.
One is demanding and destructive,
one is terribly excitable and immature around people, and
the other one has taken to screaming in a high-pitched voice more often than my patience can endure cheerfully.
It’s horrible to admit, but each of them has frustrated me immensely or embarrassed me greatly at some point in the last few days. And as I was sitting in church today, trying to claw my way up out of the pit of discouragement, I reread the passage I had been so diligently teaching my kids (ah-hem) this week.
“Love is patient and kind. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love bears all things (embarrassment, bad attitudes, screams, messes), believes all things (my children are gifts, each of them is precious and amazing, they are catalysts for my own growth and character), hopes all things (God has a plan and purpose for each of my kids, these “stages” will pass, they will grow into individuals who love well), endures all things (interrupted sleep and conversations, discipline that doesn’t seem to be working, chaos). Love never fails.”
And, the reality that I was not loving my own kids well hit me with an indisputable force right there in the middle of the church announcements and the praise choruses. What a hypocrite I had been this week–talking about selflessly loving others, while selfishly loving only when my children please me or are “easy.” Because real love, according to the Bible, looks different than the kind I have been handing out lately. Real love doesn’t get annoyed in the morning and stay that way all day. Real love doesn’t care more for what embarrasses me socially than what embarrasses my kids (correcting them too often in front of others). Real love doesn’t speak in sarcastic tones, and it doesn’t feel the need to call everyone on the carpet about every little mistake they might make. It serves joyfully and forgives completely. Real love holds to the hope of what my kids can become, it sees their goodness and potential regardless of their “stage” right now, and it remains patient while they grow up.
The Apology. So, tonight, I apologized as I was putting them to bed. I kept it simple and asked their forgiveness for not loving them well, especially by not being patient with them. Kelty, in her insight and honesty, immediately piped up, “Well, mom, you were impatient, but also, it was mostly the unkindness. And the unforgiveness. And that has just been making us feel really bad lately.” Ouch. The truth spoken out of the mouths of babes, eh? Even so, when she said that, I felt my old tendency to deny and defend and explain and excuse away my behavior rise up and beg for a voice. Thankfully, I think the Holy Spirit held my tongue. A true apology doesn’t try to wiggle its way out of being in the hot seat, after all. So, I swallowed the truth, and I asked their forgiveness for the “unkindness and unforgiveness,” too. Which they, of course, gave quickly, and then moved on, discussing who was going to get their song sung first and why Ava had to spill the crackers on the bed again.
And they did move on and are peacefully asleep in their beds right now, but, once again, I am the one left marked and challenged and humbled and changed.
And once again I find that I am learning priceless lessons from the kids in my life.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always ‘me first,’
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t celebrate when others are down,
Takes pleasure in the revelation of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.”
Our chart is taped on the window of our kitchen, right next to the dining table. We haven’t finished it yet; I reckon we are about halfway through the qualities so far. I wonder how I will be convicted of failure next week?
THREE MONTHS in THIRTY SECONDS
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From Then till Now
12. March 2010 at 7:57 pm
thanks,
15. March 2010 at 1:23 am
Laura, I just love you! I always feel so encouraged after reading your blog. You are someone I am so glad to know. Your heart always encourages me to love more and to be very real and to love my family. It is as if salt pours out of my computer when I read your writing, May the Lord continue to bless you as you are so real in froint of many of us, May He bless you as you walk in obedience to His call on your life, I am so blessed to have you as a friend, I know we drink from the same well and I think of you often and am praying for all of you. With Love, Your friend in Hickory, Jennifer